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1  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / Beautiful Woman on: July 21, 2016, 07:55:28 AM
Beautiful Woman - Funniest jokes in the world

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. 
 
All his professionallism goes right out the window...
 
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
 
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
 
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off.  The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks,
 
"Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
 
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having s*x with her. 
 
He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies,
 
"Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
2  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / Drunk Husband on: July 18, 2016, 01:30:44 AM
Drunk Husband - Funny Jokes

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.
 
"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
 
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
 
He turned to his wife:
 
"Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"
 
"Nonsense," said the wife.
 
"You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
 
The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
 
"One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."
3  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / Alien Wife Swap on: July 16, 2016, 04:47:56 AM
Alien Wife Swap - jokes for the day

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things.
 
Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.
 
"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.
 
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
 
The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.
 
"What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman. "Why?" he asked,
 
"What's the matter?"
 
"Well," she replied,
 
"it's nowhere near long enough. It'll never reach!"
 
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm.
 
With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long. "Well," she said.
 
"That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
 
"No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears.
 
 
With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.
 
"Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
 
The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said,
 
"Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?"
 
"Well," he said,
 
"It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the forehead and pulling my ears all night."
4  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / Re: God's gifts - Adam and Eva Jokes on: July 14, 2016, 09:57:57 AM
Drunk Driving - Funny Jokes

t seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper.
 
Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
 
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed.
 
He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.
 
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was.
 
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked."
 
The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed. "Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired.
 
The man answered that it was in the garage. "May we see the car?" asked the troopers.
 
The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the state troopers car.
5  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / God's gifts - Adam and Eva Jokes on: July 02, 2016, 04:05:40 AM
One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion: "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.
 
  Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."
 
  Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."
 
  Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
 
  God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
6  General Forum / Funny | Jokes | Short Stories Forum / The King Of Beers on: July 01, 2016, 04:33:19 AM
The King Of Beers
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.  Corona's president sits down and says,
 
"Seņor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." 
 
The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.  Then Budweiser's president says,
 
"I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."  The bartender gives him one. 
 
Coors' president says,
 
"I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." 
 
He gets it.  The guy from Guinness sits down and says,
 
"Give me a Coke."  The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask,
 
"Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"  and the Guinness president replies,
 
"Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
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